UNDER CONSTRUCTION

We had to take down all our posts for a while. We did not realize that to put them back up would repost them in everyone's feeds. We apologize for that. We also will do our best, as life allows, to get the rest of the posts up as soon as possible. :)

Sincerely, The Duke and EsMay

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Dominant Men

I am writing this post on Sunday, and post dating a few days so that I'm not double posting on the same day.

I read a line yesterday or the day before that ripped me apart, and also made me angry.

"A dominant man will always destroy a marriage."

WHAT!?

My goodness the world is getting very opinionated, I know... I am one of them, but I really try to hide a lot of my opinions, and work on taming them.  But this one hurt, and then, as I said, angered me.  I think the world too often links the words dominant with dictator, abuser, and utterly selfish behaviour together.

Yes, there is a kind of dominance that can kill a marriage.  A man that never listens to his wife, who belittles her, who demands more and more from her with never giving a thing in return. A man who seeks to humiliate, dehumanize, and torture the one he is supposed to love.

BUT, there is a huge, gigantic BUT in here.  There are dominant men who make marriages thrive, who bring new life when a marriage looks dead, who comes in on his brave white horse and saves the day.  Those men, those men do not kill marriages.  They make their wives feel loved again.  They make them feel wanted.  They make them feel desired.  They lavish love, attention and care on them.  They share their burdens, and help lighten their loads.  They let their wives know they aren't alone, they have help, they are protected, they are worth all they have to give, and more.  These men come in and heal, restore, and bring balance.

I feel there should be two totally different words for these two types of men, and until there is, the two should never, ever, be lumped in together in the same group.  I want a dominant man.  I want that.  I want the kind I described second because our marriage thrives with that man, and almost died before this side of him came out.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Disagreements - Because We Both Can Win

I haven't been on in a while, and I'm often saying that.  I'm so sorry.  I'm still finding it hard to manage marriage, child, job, parents moving in, hubby's job on the line YET again, drama with family, some unexpected drama with friends, and on and on.  But, as life spirals more and more out of control, I needed to look at the Duke and let him know I REALLY need him now more than ever.  This constant hanging on the fence of DD, D/s needed to stop.  So I was looking for advice online to help us, and found this blog called "God's Gift To Him."  It is from 2009 and 2010.  Man, how have I NEVER found this blog before???  I have only read a few posts, but they're AMAZING.  I love, love, LOVE this paragraph here!  It is a post written by the husband.


"So today I want to talk about disagreements because you have asked much about them.  Does being the leader mean my wife never gets her way?  no.  NO NO NO NO NO.  In fact, when any struggle for power, any struggle to come out on top is removed, I’m MUCH more inclined to listen better to her, to really understand her and then to make a decision that is best for US.  Before, I wanted my way, would shout my side, would fight to win.  Life is easier this way even if she gets her way more often.  Now that there is no struggle, winning doesn’t matter, what’s best for us matters.  The problem is, she’s so smart that she’s often right.  Before, admitting it meant I lost, now admitting means We win."


This is us.  This is the Duke and I.  When people don't understand why I want to be a submissive wife, when they say that's degrading, and stupid, and I obviously have no respect for myself, I just want to scream that they don't understand.  But this, this paragraph, sums up so much I wish they understood so awesomely!  I actually get my way more often in being submissive.  I am much happier.  I am trusted, my value is seen, I am listened to, not just in words, but in entire meaning.  What I say, think, feel, it matters way more now.  I honestly cannot think of one thing I have sacrificed in being submissive.  I can give you a list of one hundred things, or more that are better, but I honestly cannot say one way in which being submissive has been wrong for me.

Monday, September 04, 2017

"Toy" Storage ;)


With a child that no longer respects the fact that we may have dresser drawers we don't want them in, lol, and my parents living with us, and the Duke's family visiting often and staying in our room when they do, we needed new storage for our "toys".  I was starting to worry someone would finally find our secret stash.  Our DD/Submission books, our DD contract, our intimate toys and DD toys, and our spanking implements.

So I've been looking for the past few years.  Nothing seemed to fit our needs.  Any adult toy storage we could find only had a couple slots, and with some toys being glass, some silicone, some metal, etc, where I didn't want any two toys being able to bump into each other, those did NOT fit our needs.  Now, we have these, and we don't have enough toys to fill up all the slots, ;) but now we can go wild and get more stuff. :P  lol  Not really, but it will be nice to have more room for it we do get more later.

After much thought, I had decided to have a box built with a lip in it for a cutlery tray or two to rest on and stuff be stored underneath.  It was the best way to keep everything separate I could think of.  Finally found these beauties today after a year of searching.  They're second hand, in like new condition, for only $5 each!  Most of the dividers in the one on the right are removable. :)  So now to have the box built to the dimensions of these trays with a lip for each, and then paddles and such will be stored in the bottom, and these trays will just lift out.  So excited.  We'll be putting a lock on it, and everything secured and tucked away in one box.  I will have a lot more peace of mind when this is finally done. :)

Saturday, July 15, 2017

Keeping On Communicating

If you are a DD or D/s couple, you know that communication has to become a key part of how you live this lifestyle.  So when all the sudden the Duke seemed to be hiding something, I was struggling on what to do, or how to handle it, without being disrespectful. 

He's been quite down all the sudden.  There were times of joy, but they were short lived compared to how often he seemed to be very depressed.  I would ask him what was wrong, and he would tell me that nothing was wrong.  I would ask if something happened at work, and again, he would tell me nothing.  After several weeks, I really worried something was going on.  Doubts started to creep in, and one of them was that he was beginning to regret our marriage or he was beginning to be interested in someone else.

So I had to bite the bullet and follow my rule of not keeping secrets, of not allowing something to fester inside of me without talking to him about it.  So I went to him and admitted that I felt he was really hiding something from me.  He said he wasn't.  I told him something was wrong.  He said there wasn't.  I braved myself up and asked in nothing but a whisper if there was someone else, I feel sick even remembering how scared I was in that moment.  Thankfully he laughed, said no, there was no one else, and comforted me.  I really can't see him ever doing that, but I had no idea what was going on.  We talked.  Come to find out, he is down, though he couldn't really put his finger on why.  I know work is hard, and we've been extra busy lately, and he said those may be it.  So for the next little bit, we're going to try to really be low key so he can get some down time. 

Thankfully no spanking was issued for asking if there was someone else. :)  Nor for being persistent.  But I am so thankful, for the millionth time, that we have learned these great communication skills, and that I have the rule of not allowing things to fester.  I know if I let it go long term, I could have worked myself into quite a tailspin.  And I honestly believe left to fester, his would get bad too.  Hopefully cutting things back for now will help him get to a happier, more peaceful, place.

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

NEW POST - DD and Weight Loss?

Hello guys.  So I have a question for you.  I have heard some of you use DD in the past for helping you in your weight loss goals, and wondered if any of you would be able to share things that worked for you, or things that were real pitfalls in using DD to help you towards your goals?

Here is what is going on for us.  I got an early birthday/mother's day gift of a pedometer because it was on sale quite cheap.  I'd been wanting one for close to a year, and we decided the splurge was worth it.  It has really helped.  I got one with a heart rate monitor (Garmin Vivosmart HR) so that I could see how I was doing with that as well.  Well my first day was May 15th, so about a month and a half I have been doing it.  Seeing the numbers on my wrist band really help.  I am much more active now.  I would say I was only getting about 5k steps a day before, now it says I average 13k steps a day, and that's in total since the beginning.  I just started taking Sunday as a rest day the past three Sundays, and seem to be getting about 6-8k those days.  It also helps to see how many minutes I've been active, and to see my resting heart rate go down over time.  It's now 67 on average for resting heartrate!  My first couple of days, it was so hard to get below 100, and near impossible to get below 85 and 90.

So right now this is all new to me, and I am very motivated to keep doing this, but I know a day will come when I just want to quit.  I know me.  I'm hoping it's a way off, but I want to prepare anyway.  I want to put some rules into place.  So far I haven't changed much of how I eat, but I've still lost 10 pounds as of yesterday, though I had lost none in the first month, so glad to finally see some results.  I have changed my lunch to a salad at least three days a week, but that's it diet wise.  I am doing changes slowly so that I stick to them.  I usually jump both feet in and give up pretty quickly.  I am hoping that by making a small change every 3-4 weeks, I'll be more likely to stick with it.

So... what rules do you have for yourself to help with your weight loss, or weight maintenance goals?  Do you have to be active so many minutes/days a week?  Do you have to reach a certain number of steps?  Are you allowed cheat days if you're dieting?  And what were your consequences if you cheated or didn't work out, etc?  Would just love to know the things that are working for you, and maybe know about some of your pitfalls as well so that we can learn from them. :) :)

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Finding Our Groove

SO, I think DD is on a good path for us right now.  I haven't earned any punishment spankings, sorry to disappoint. LOL  We will not add to the fact that I have neither had the time or the energy to act out at all to get one. :P

I have been working on my health more.  Got myself a fitness tracker, and been aiming for 13-15 thousand steps a day for six days a week.  I am feeling better over all, but having a very hard time after I eat all the sudden, so will have to look into that if it doesn't settle soon.  But the great thing is, is how much the Duke is supporting me in all of this.  Before when I would try to lose weight, he'd be okay with it, and occasionally notice how hard I was working, but now, he's very attentive.  He's very supportive, and he's very quick with genuine praise.  And not just "GOOD JOB!"  But "GOOD JOB, Honey!  I know you're tired, and you're working so hard.  I'm proud of you."  and things like that.

It's more of the little things that make me so happy to be in this lifestyle.  He's firm more often, I was so tired last night after 6 hours of a bloated, PAINFUL stomach cramping ordeal.  I was only at 10k steps, but he put his foot down.  I was not doing any more last night, and I needed that.  I needed someone to step up and save me from myself.  And that may be my most favourite part of DD.  The Duke knowing when to save me from myself.  I KNEW I needed to rest, but I also KNEW I had promised myself to get to 13k steps a day if at all possible.  Thankfully I didn't have to decide.

Loving the place we're at.  Playful swats as he catches me alone, having a hard time to keep his hands to himself, last night he even pinned me down just because he could.  He's checking in with me several times a day to see how I'm doing, taking my not so baby anymore when I need half an hour to myself, especially when I was in so much pain yesterday, and on and on.  Something has changed lately... and I'm not sure what it is, but I'm feeling like a teenager in love again.  :)  When I figure out what has caused the change, I'll let you know. :)  But for now, I'm enjoying it. :)

I hope all is well in your worlds.  I know DD is a different world, and I worry about doing these posts sometimes because of how hard DD can be, but it can be REALLY good too. :)  If you're reading, and you're new, please don't think we started off this way, or even got there quickly.  LOL  This has been a long road, a lot of give and take, talking and listening, fighting and making up, tears and joy, broken hearts and healing, and on and on.  The first 2-3 years especially were so hard, and I can't even tell you really how we got through them, except that we decided we weren't going to give up.  Not sure this paragraph matters... but I remember reading posts like this in the early days, and getting very idealistic... and that isn't always bad... but for us it was, and so just to help you see the reality of our road to this point I wanted to share. :)  I think it's been about four and a half years now since we started, about 5 since I started mentioning it... but we're getting there.  I really feel we've found our groove now, and am enjoying it. :) 

PS just realized I still have a bunch of old posts I haven't put back up yet... will try to do that asap... not that they'll get read, but I'd still like to have them up for those of you that write me and tell me you've gone back to the beginning.  Every time I get a message like that, it surprises me, and humbles me.  I am so thankful for my readers.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

A Little Bit Of Fun

Wow, I cannot believe how long it's been since I wrote.  I am so sorry.  We've been sick almost constantly, and it's amazing how time flies when that happens.  Here's hoping that spring brings about health! :)

So today the Duke was taking on guilt over a very small issue, and something he had absolutely no control over.  So I joked that he needed a spanking, and actually got a swat in before he grabbed me by the waist and spanked me.  I laughingly hissed a bit loudly that my parents were in house, and they'd hear!  He only laughed really hard and spanked me firmly three more times.  :)  Our daughter walked in and so the Duke let me go, and I jokingly told her to tell Daddy to be good.  So she obediently said "Be good, Daddy." with a smile.

Just a nice light hearted moment, but I love these moments. :)  The connection between us, the family dynamic, the light hearted fun, all of it.  We get less of these bonding moments together as a family with my parents living with us, so I grab a hold and cherish them when we do get them. :)